Real Mom Moment

In this moment, I am reminded of the reasons why this class (perspectives class) has felt absolutely impossible for me. I thankfully have my oldest child (Boy: Obie) sleeping in his room, but my other child (girl: Zion) is SCREAMING her eyeballs out in the next. It feels like I am constantly switching from one to the next, sometimes both combined equals chaos, and finally, when a moment of rest comes and both seem happy or asleep, that is when I am either flying a full speed to quickly fold the laundry that has been sitting in a pile for 3 days, do a quick wash of dishes (we have no dishwasher), and frantically run through the house to gather all the miscellanous items that have wandered out of place: toys, dirty diapers, folded clothes, dirty clothes, books, pacifers, mail, and any other thing imaginable; OR  I crash into the bed and fall asleep (which rarely ever happens, mainly because someone wakes up the moment my eyes close).

Finally… I hear no more screaming… I think she has fallen asleep.

BUT, guess who just came out of his room… Told you this is how it always goes!!!!! Now he is sitting on my lap, about to open a book in front of my faceJ. And I just have to admit this: My arms are FULL of blessings! Mothers have little time to themselves, to accomplish much of anything (which probably explained my ONE perfectly plucked eyebrow and then there’s the other).

I literally make only one goal for myself a day. That one goal is in addition to all of the household basics: aiming for a straightened home, keeping an empty sink, and a couch with no laundry. Honesty, I usually have a hard time getting the household basics accomplished, let alone my one goal.

But I have come to accept this: My life seems simple, but it is busy, I guess you could call it --- s.i.m.p.l.y. busy. J. And when I measure my success from the outside looking in, I admit, it appears I am an utter failure. But God has been teaching me GREAT things through all of this.

I signed up for my perspectives class because in February of next year we are leaving the states for Thailand. I wanted this class remind and reinforce my heart for missions up until the moment I was boarding the plane. But I have completely failed to do my readings, (thankfully I have already read all the biblical basis articles last fall) failed to do my homework, and failed at attending every class (okay i only missed one, and it was not even my fault). But I still say that God is teaching me GREAT things. It just may not be what I thought I was going to learn.

My default (which I tend to most frequently run in) is: ALL or nothing. If I don’t perform perfectly from 6 a.m. on, I will throw in the towel with the first hiccup in my day. And God is determined to erratic this attitude. He is determined to replace it with a steady, disciplined, committed, and faithful spirit; instead of being consistently inconsistent… learning to be constant even when things don’t go perfect (and when do they ever?).

So this is what I am learning: to push FORWARD. So you were up for what felt like most of the night nursing your baby girl… push forward. You didn’t get to your morning quiet time; read a verse, say a prayer, and push forward. You still have yet to take a shower and get dressed and it is Noon; plan to take it during Obie’s naptime, and push forward. Didn’t even accomplish your one goal for the day; put it down for tomorrow’s goal and push forward. You have yet to read one of your perspective articles; be thankful for all of the lectures you have heard, plan to do better, and push forward. When your moving across the world in 3 months to a new culture and language and your home needs to be cleared out in 2 months, when you have to organize the hall closet, bathroom sink, buffet dishes, sort books, game drawer, desk, master closet, pack brett’s clothes, my clothes, Obie’s clothes, Zion’s clothes, go through Obie’s books, Obie’s closet, Attic closet, Attic, pantry, etc, and so forth…. PUSH FORWARD.

This is not an excuse for how poorly I have done at times, it is an encouragement, a exhortation, a mandate, a summons for me to not give up hope despite my hopeless state, but to continue to push forward. It is for me to learn as much as possible in the time remaining, to learn to love God more, and to learn of what makes his heart beat and hope my heart come into line with his. And to remember that we are a family living, growing, and moving together, on a journey to serve and finish well for the Glory of our Majestic Savior. Who loved us to death, and we pray he grants us the grace to do the same for Him.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12:1-2

[ est. time to complete: 4 hours ]  ... not bad...