Resurrected Housewife

Resurrect Me- housewife, mom, me

I have been helpless lately… quite pathetic really. I have been wondering where my passion and drive to be something, anything, something other than a defeated creature, has gone.  

What is overwhelming me? Why am I this… depressed? Is it my thoughts of having to pack up my house and being so perplexed with where to even begin?  Or my thought of Brett as the housewife, instead of me; how much more productive that would be? Or how worthless I feel because my house is not even straightened, so how could I possibly begin organizing!!??

 And then to think those questions just went through my mind, and that those problems actually exist… it makes me feel like I have fail at the only thing that I am supposed to be, a housewife. That is really the ultimate thing God has called me to… a keeper of the home, a loving mother, a diligent wife, and I just plain suck at them all!!!

And as I reflect on my life, I wonder… when did my clear driven dream for the future all become so fogged?  I had big hopes for how terrific I was going to be at this wife/mom thing. I was going to be supermom! I was going to be just as good as my grandma who had 8 kids, and raised them all in the era of clothes diapers only!

And then I am back at the beginning again, I’ve come full circle… I am helpless, pathetic, I will never amount to anything.  (Cry on Brett’s shoulder). [I know I am being stupidly dramatic right now, but seriously, you can’t tell me that you have never been a basket case].

Brett, thankfully, has taken time to listen to my dilemma and give me some truth and tough love. Of course to sum up our conversation he gave me a Rap song to listen too.  After 20 seconds of not being able to follow the lyrics, I made me listening, conditional to him putting the lyrics in front of me! Here they are, and I will say, they are very encouraging… Thanks Babe! 

Video link:

http://humblebeast.com/resurrect-me-video/

Never imagine myself walking in these shoes

The road I was on was littered with many clues

I didn’t recognize the signs

I couldn’t read them

It was a foreign language

So if you were speaking

I heard the sound

But couldn’t interpret the signal

Cause my ears were not trained

To understand the pitfalls that many talked of

I thought I understood

But I was undermining my understanding

Crash landing

Barely standing

Chaos overrules and overthrows careful planning

So much demanding all of me

Every day all I see is someone or something that needs me

But I got needs too

It’s funny cause I don’t even know what they are

But when I find them I'll probably keep searching for more

Instead of being thankful for what’s provided

Chorus

So resurrect me

Oh won't you resurrect me

Cause I think I’m dead

and if not I’m dying

Bring me back to life

The passion that burned is gone

The laughing just hasn't happened it’s all gone

If you ever looked at me and thought I was strong

Sorry to say you were wrong

What went wrong? I don’t know

I try to trace back every step I took

I look for your smile but it’s somber

I look in the mirror and I’m conquered

Do you concur that this is obscure?

That the perfectly painted picture is now just a blur

My inside gets stirred

I was so innocent

Never knew how bad this life could hurt

And that’s why I live like a bird

But now I just live like a burden

I was driven by faith and purpose

Now I hitchhike cause I’m afraid to make a wrong turn

Bring me back to life

Resurrect me

Cause I think I’m dead

If not I’m dying

Philippians 3: 7-16

“But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

15 All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.”